What if... Xamu's story

       Xamu lay flat on his back on the large bed in his parent's bedroom. He stared up at the dark ceiling with his arms behind his head, ankles crossed. His boots sat on the floor next to the bed and on his lap there was a very fluffy cat with black and neon green striped fur that purred with contentment. The boy ignored the cat though, thinking about his life and what problems he faced in the current times. He was more confused now then he had been in a very long time. Letting out a long sigh, he ran a hand over the bald side of his head then traced a finger along the scar over his left eye. He couldn't remember how he had gotten this one. Closing his eyes, he let out another sigh, thinking as hard as he could but nothing came to mind.

"What's bothering you?" the cat asked in a dull voice, his tail flipping back and forth. Xamu looked opened his blue eye to see two yellow eyes gazing up at him with no interest. He closed his eye again and covered his face with a hand.

"I was just thinking." He said softly, his thoughts whirling around in his head.
"About what?" the cat stood up and walked across the boy's chest, getting closer to his face before sitting over his heart.
Xamu moved his hand and opened his eyes again, looking at the cat once more. "Why is this so hard?" he asked after a moment, reaching over to pet the Cheshire. "I keep losing everyone." He muttered, talking mostly to himself.
The yellow eyes softened a little, looking almost sad as he nuzzled into Xamu's big hand. "It is hard when people leave." He said almost in a comforting way.
"But they don't just leave… they die or… I can't talk to them or… so many other things." He said in a frustrated tone, letting his hand fall to his side. "Dad, Kiri, Mom, Jeremiah…" his voice trailed off, unwilling to say the last name on his list. "What if the same happens with Xeoth? What if I scare him off too?" he looked to the cat. "Bomber… I don't know what to do…"

Bomber sighed and curled up on his chest, closing his eyes again. "Not much you can do. Death isn't something I can control. Nor can I keep people from their free wills. Trust me, I've tried and it doesn't work."
Xamu closed his eyes and leaned his head back, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I wish this had never happened." He muttered, causing Bomber's ears to twitch and he looked at him, raising his head up. "I wish my father had never died."
The cat seemed to be thinking, his ears moving back and forth as he thought. "Do you really want to know what would have happened if your father hadn't died?" he asked after a moment.

Xamu looked at him, half curious and half suspicious. "Yes… what are you getting at?" He watched as Bomber jumped off the bed and turned into his human form, long black hair flowing past his broad tanned shoulders. A simple white streak in this hair fell over the left side of his face. He looked to Xamu with thin yellow eyes. "I can show you what would have happened if your father hadn't died." He said simply, crossing his arms over his chest.
Xamu sat up, resting his weight on his elbows. "How?"
"I would take you there." He looked him over before starting to walk around the bed. "We could stay there for as long as you wish but," he turned to look at him, holding up one slender finger. "You cannot interfere, you will not be seen by those in that realty, and we will only leave when you ask me to do so."' He tilted his head to the side.
"Seen by those in… Wait, this is a different realty?" Xamu sat up fully, standing. He stood a full two heads taller than Bomber and was twice as broad. "You mean to tell me that somewhere, my father is still alive?"
"Not anywhere that you could exist without magic… but yes… he does." He said with a flip of his wrist. "Do you wish to go or do you wish to say here and sulk some more?" he raised an eyebrow at him.
"Take me there." Xamu said with a serious face. "I don't care what I have to do, just… take me there."

       Bomber smirked and nodded. "As you wish." As he said those words, Xamu's reality started to melt away sending him into a pit of darkness. He wasn't falling; rather it felt like the world was spinning. His stomach started to twist and just as he felt he would empty it the feeling stopped and he stood outside. All colors seemed to be slightly dulled slightly. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. He was standing in front of the house. Turning around, he looked up the hill at the dark house but something was different. It didn't look beat up or run down anymore. Rather the walls were freshly painted and the grass around it well kept. He looked around, searching for Bomber but he didn't see the cat. He noticed a newspaper sitting on the ground in front of him. He reached down to pick it up but his hand went right through it like a ghost. He blinked a few times, slightly surprised. He looked at the date on the top of the page. It was the same day. He was in the present then. Looking up the hill again, he took a deep breath and started up. As he got closer to the door, his stomach twisted into knots again. What was his father going to look like? Was Kiri going to be there too? What did he himself look like? What had happened to him and his family? Did he have a family to speak of? All of these questions raced through his mind as he approached the door. He stood in front of it for a moment before taking another deep breath and stepping through the door, phasing through it like he had before.

        The living room was different. Everything was clean and brightly lit. There was a television in front of one couch and piles of books still sat everywhere. There was a door with a lock on it going to the basement. The walls were covered in photographs. He walked towards them, looking them over. They were pictures of him as a child holding a very small Kiri in his thin arms or Kiri wearing a new dress dancing, looking up at the camera with a huge smile on her pale face. He looked over the pictures, seeing his life as he grew up. He looked to be a normal size with pale skin and no scars. His blue eyes gazed at the camera and he still wore his collar. He wore a lab coat on one and a pair of thin rimmed glasses. A PHD was on the wall that proudly read "Galileo Mau Bertducci" in big bold letters. He had done it. He was a doctor. Xamu's eyes widened a little as he started at the paper, feeling a twisting in his chest. He looked around as he heard footsteps coming from the stairs that went to the second level. His eyes were met with a beautiful girl, perhaps 16 or 17 years old with long light blonde hair that was tied back into a pony tail with a green bow. She had bright blue eyes and perfect pale skin. She was wearing a beautiful black silk dress and barefoot. "Kiri." He whispered to himself, eyes wide as he watched her.

        He followed his younger sister into the kitchen, stopping in the doorway as he watched her. She was the same height as in his time but she seemed so much more confident in herself. She walked with grace in her step and a smile on her face.  He couldn't help but smile as he watched her, wanting to reach out and hold her. His arms nearly ached to do so but he knew it was impossible so he just watched her as she sat down at the island in the middle of the room. A moment later, a body walked through him, making him shiver. He watched as the tall young man, about 22 years of age walked towards her. His long black hair reached to about his mid back and was tied back into a pony tail. Blue eyes and pale skin that matched Kiri's made Xamu hold his breath as his eyes traveled to the green collar around the man's neck. It was himself; he was looking at what he would have been. Perhaps a little on the skinny side but he reached about six feet even and he didn't have any scars on his body that he could see. Thin rimmed glasses sat on his sleek nose; it hadn't been broken multiple times. There was no zydrate around his neck, just the collar. His alternate self went over to Kiri and kissed her on her forehead. "Good morning Bella." He said softly, even his voice was different. A soft almost melodic sound came from the man's mouth. The girl gazed up at him with loving eyes. "Good morning, Galileo." She cooed, hugging him around the middle and nuzzling into his chest. Xamu felt a lump form in his throat once more. She had called him by his name.

       Galileo pulled away and started to prepare food. That at the very least hadn't changed about him. "How is father today?" Kiri asked with a small look of concern on her face. The man sighed softly and thought for a moment.
"He is better… for the time being." He looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know how much longer though…" he looked to his sister, who had a sullen look on her face. He went over and tilted her head up, a small smile on his own. "It will be alright. I'll make sure he gets better."
"And if he doesn't?" she asked, looking like she was about ready to cry. "What then?"
"Then I will take care of you my sweet Isabella." He pulled the blonde girl close to his chest, holding her head.

       Xamu looked away, feeling about ready to cry again. It was too much for him to handle. He looked at the stair case, unable to move. His father was dying, that he could tell from the way his other self had looked. His eyes told everything. "Bomber?" he whispered, closing his eyes. "What about the others? Where are they?"
"There are no others for you here." Bomber said softly, appearing behind him. "That though should be for the better."
Xamu looked at him, looking confused. "What do you mean?"
Bomber let out a sigh before gesturing back to the kitchen. "That is your life… Kiri and your sick father who you care for, trying so hard to make him better, though you know your efforts are for not. He is beyond even your help." He shook his head and went over, sitting on the back of the coach. Xamu followed.
"What do you mean by that?"
"He is mentally unwell… and it is killing him. You know there is nothing you can do but…" he shook his head. "Your father has dementia… He doesn't remember who you or your sister are. He thinks he's in a hospital and you are just his doctor." He stood up. "You know that he won't last much longer because he hasn't been eating very much as of late. You have been working and leaving Kiri at home while you work at Geneco." He looked at him with stern yellow eyes. "You love your sister to a point that it's almost scary but she loves you the same. You never knew Graverobber or Cali or Zee. You never had the chance to meet Jeremiah. You have never known love of any kind other than that which you get from your sister, who is your only friend but you know that she too will not last for very much longer. Kiri is sick and many times you've come home to her on the ground, half dead. Her heart is weak and she won't last much longer." He looked away and shook his head slightly. "In about a week… This version of you will no longer have a single person in the world and truly be alone."
       Xamu just stared at him as he spoke, slowly taking in all this information. His father was going to die and then his sister? He looked back at the scene back in the kitchen. Nothing had changed, the man still held the girl close to him. He never had known the happiness that Xamu himself had known. True, he had lived out his dream but to what cost? He wasn't happy despite having his dream job and his sister. He had never fallen in love and never known what it was to live. He wasn't a nobody but he seemed to have less emotion then Xamu. He looked to Bomber with wide eyes. "He's miserable…" he said softly. "I'm…. miserable… and I can feel it… his pain. He wants to die, Bomber. There's nothing there in his chest. He has a heart but… everything in his mind is empty."
Bomber nodded a little. "He had a happy beginning only to find himself at wits ends, at this end." He raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you still wish your father hadn't died?"
Xamu looked at him, tears in his eyes. He felt an emptiness creeping up in his chest. Tears streaked his face as he gave in. "Take me home." He whispered, trying not to be loud. Bomber nodded and Xamu's world melted away again. He found himself sitting on his bed mere moments later, heavy tears falling down his scared face. He looked down at his hands before giving a rather loud sob, burying his face in his hands. He didn't care that he was crying so loud or if someone heard him, he just wanted the empty feeling to go away. He hated what he had seen. No matter where he was, he would lose everyone in his life and be miserable. He sobbed even louder, his body shaking as he cried. He couldn't stop the tears that flowed from his eyes. He just cried until his body was too tired to continue, eyes red and puffy, skin blotchy. Bomber had appeared again, this time he stood in front of Xamu, his yellow eyes looking almost hurt.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I didn't know it would hurt you."
Xamu said nothing only lied down on his bed, closing his eyes. He coughed a little as tears still fell down his face.

       "I can't win." He muttered after a long silence. "I just can't win…" he opened his eyes to look at Bomber. "No matter what, I will always be alone."
Bomber shook his head and sat down next to him, reaching up and stroking his face softly. "No, not always." He whispered, smiling a little at him. "You're never alone Xamu. You just don't see the wonderful things you have here."
Xamu looked at him then looked to the doorway, hearing footsteps. Bomber had disappeared in a flash and Xeoth appeared at the doorway, looking at him with wide eyes.
"Xeo?" he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What are you-"
"I thought something was wrong with me." He said, cutting Xamu off as he walked towards him. "My chest was hurting… Like someone had grabbed my heart and was trying to rip it out." He got onto the bed and crawled over to him. "I thought I might be dying… but now I know why I felt that way." He placed a hand on Xamu's cheek. "Why have you been crying?"
Xamu looked at him, feeling his cheeks slowly turn bright red. He swallowed a little before just wrapping his arms around the smaller man. "Please…" he whispered. "Please never leave me alone." He held him close, realizing now what Bomber meant. He pulled away and looked at the man in the eye. "I love you do much Xeoth." He whispered.
His purple eyes softened and he leaned towards him. "And I love you, my Xamu." He whispered into his chest, wrapping his arms around his neck. "That does not explain why you were crying though."
"It's a very long story." Xamu muttered. "Maybe some other time."
He held his lover close to his chest, a hand on the back of his head. He wasn't going to let go, not for anything. Bomber was right, he had so much in his life to love and be thankful for, he just never had seen it quite so clearly until now.